Wrong track..

Headed to Raffles Place for an interview today. Well, it was a successful one :) The job was a good catch with attractive pay and staffs benefits. Still, I'm hesitating because of my daughter. Too many considerations..

I always feel that my daughter isn't mine, why is it so? Will she really change only if I really have depression? Current situation doesn't allow me to leave my daughter under someone's care. What am I? A mother who is transparent, a mother who is a maid to other people. Till now, I still don't get much chance to get near my daughter. I regretted.. Regretted in promising you to come back. Because you cared about your pride not wanting in living at my house, you mind about it. Thus, I agreed to move back thinking that maybe things will be better but it turn out to be the same as before. I thought I should spare a thought for you since you say you missed your family. Me too, I miss my family so much too in fact more than you. I'm used to in having them daily. Is pride really so important to a guy? I spare a thought for you, for your mom because she's already old. Then who can spare a thought for me? I am not being sensitive. Like what I have said, even the outsiders could see and feel it too. Do you know how miserable my life is? I should not be going through all these, its too heavy, too much for me. There's bound to be a big quarrel if this continue. My patience have reached its limit, I had enough of all these shits. Too tired.. Why am I the unlucky one to land in this kind of family? I blame no one but myself. I feel very sad for myself. I feel so useless. I feel upset. This problem been existing for so long, it'll never change. Trust me! You know it better than me. I can't just leave the baby behind, I gave birth to her thus I should be responsible for her. Current situation really makes me feel like running away, to a faraway place. I wanted to give up so much, so much..

If only its the end of the world then I'll be free from all these misery.